Friday, October 26, 2007

The Hook Part 2


Since I posted this new, revised hook on the BookEnds, LLC site for possible critique, I thought I'd post it here too. If I get a crit, from BookEnds, I'll post that in the future.

Aberthuil Nauile doesn’t know that he once led legions in a war that raged since the dawn of time, against an enemy that cannot be killed. He doesn’t know that he rode on a dragon with his father, and saw his mother die while giving birth to him. He doesn’t know that he once saved his great, great, great grandfather by defeating the black enemy on the slopes of a volcano. Aberthuil doesn’t know that he beheld the creation of the world, as his grandfather eight generations before took the planet ravaged by a war of the gods and began anew. All he knows is that he awoke in a coffin in a tomb, and now the whole world thinks he is their savior. All he really wants to know is his name, and why he keeps hearing voices in his head.

Seems a little wordy at times, but it has potential I think.


Countess B said...

I just happened to find your blog, and I'm very interested in your book based on the hook. Is it out there for me to buy? Is there somewhere I can read it?

It sounds GREAT!!

D. Robert Pease said...

Wow! Thank you for the encouraging word. That of course is the goal of the hook; to get someone to want to buy it. Unfortunately it isn't complete yet. I am close, but even if I finished it today, it would be a year or two before you could buy it. That is the pace of publishing as I know it.

But knowing that there is one person out there that would buy, gives me a little kick. Thanks, you made my day.

Bernita said...

I think it has great potential.

D. Robert Pease said...

Thanks Bernita, that really gives me a lift.